Editing Sample #2

The following sample illustrates the type of editing I do for clients.


Bits and Bites of Business (Before)

You might say that I am an unusual millionaire. I didn't set out to be one, but I just couldn't help myself.

I was raised being told I wouldn't amount to much and for a long time I believed it. My family was middle class and my father was in the oil industry where you cut deals over liquid lunches. Both my parents were entrepreneurs so I suppose it rubbed off anyway. Money was more important than family, for my father, so when I left after high school I was a bit confused on where my path and my life would lead. I knew I definitely wanted my life to be better than I was raised and I knew I was worth it.

At 19 I already owned 3 truckloads of furniture which I thought was pretty good for my age, but it was possessions that didn't mean anything to me so I sold it all and moved to Vancouver, then two years in Europe and South America travelling and working. All I had was what I could put in my backpack. I drank wine out of a paper bag in the Latin quarter of Paris and lived under a mango tree in the jungles of South America. I saw how people lived without that huge flat screened TV's, fancy cars and big houses and quite frankly they seemed much happier. But when I came back to Canada I went back to school and after graduating from Teck School decided we do live in the land of plenty and decided to go to work. I was ready to take on the world and not suppress the talents I knew I had.

Following that I started reading, listening to motivational tapes and going to seminars. I must have spent over 10 thousand dollars retraining my brain and reprogramming my mindset, over the course of 10 years. It took a lot of discipline, but it really paid off. I didn't do it to become rich, but because I changed my mind set it money came naturally. I started to look at everything in a positive light, nothing could stop me!


Seven Million-Dollar Tips (After)

You might say that I am an unusual millionaire. I didn't set out to be one, I just couldn't help myself.

My family was middle class. My father was in the oil industry, where you cut deals over liquid lunches. To my father, money was more important than family. I was raised being told I wouldn't amount to much, and for a long time I believed it. But both my parents were entrepreneurs, so I suppose some of the money-making instinct eventually rubbed off.

When I finished high school I knew I wanted a better life, and I knew I was worth it. At 19, I already owned three truckloads of furniture. I thought that was pretty good for my age, but my possessions didn't mean anything to me so I sold them and moved to Vancouver.

After a brief stint in Vancouver I spent two years travelling and working in Europe and South America. All I had was what I could put in my backpack. I drank wine out of a paper bag in the Latin Quarter of Paris and lived under a mango tree in the jungles of South America, where I saw how people lived without huge flat-screen televisions or fancy cars or big houses. Quite frankly, they seemed much happier.

When I returned to Canada I figured that Canadians live in the land of plenty, and I wanted a piece of that pie. I went back to technical school. After graduating, it was time to go to work. I was ready to take on the world. It was time to let loose the talents I knew I had.

I started reading books and magazines, listening to motivational tapes and going to seminars. During the next 10 years I spent more than $10,000 re-training my brain and re-programming my mind. It took a lot of discipline, but it paid off.

I didn't do this to become rich. But because I changed my mindset, money started coming naturally. I started to look at everything in a positive light. Every time a negative element of my old conditioning reappeared, I trained myself to recognize it and to change it. After that, nothing could stop me.


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